Therapy Isn’t Helping Your Anxiety? Here’s Why You Might Feel Stuck

If you’re an anxious woman who’s been going to therapy but still finds herself overwhelmed, overthinking, or stuck in people-pleasing patterns, you’re not alone. Many clients come to me frustrated and disheartened, saying things like:

“I’ve been in therapy for years, but I still feel anxious all the time.”
“I can talk about my issues, but nothing’s really changing.”
“Why do I still feel so triggered by the smallest things?”

If that sounds familiar, this blog post is for you. Let’s explore some common reasons therapy might not be helping your anxiety yet - and what to do about it.

1. You’re Only Working on the Mind, Not the Nervous System

Talk therapy can be incredibly helpful, especially in gaining insight and developing healthier thought patterns. But for many anxious women, anxiety isn’t just a mindset issue; it’s a nervous system issue.

If you grew up in a chaotic, critical, or emotionally neglectful environment, your nervous system may have learned to live in a chronic state of hyper-vigilance. That means you’re constantly scanning for danger, overthinking every interaction, and struggling to relax even when everything seems “fine.”

In these cases, mindset shifts aren’t enough. What’s needed is a therapy approach that helps regulate your nervous system, like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic therapy, or parts work.

If your anxiety feels like it lives in your body - racing heart, tight chest, difficulty sleeping - then online therapy that incorporates body-based approaches may help you finally feel relief.

2. You’re Not Addressing the Root of People-Pleasing Patterns

Many of the anxious women I work with fall into what I call the "people-pleasing perfectionist trap."
You say yes when you want to say no. You apologize for things that aren’t your fault. You feel responsible for other people’s emotions.

While some therapy focuses on symptom management (“take deep breaths,” “set boundaries”), that’s not enough when these patterns were hardwired into you at a young age.

People-pleasing often stems from childhood trauma, attachment wounds, or growing up in a family where love felt conditional. If your therapy isn’t helping you explore the origin of these patterns, it’s understandable that you’d still feel stuck.

The truth is: anxiety is often a byproduct of spending your life trying to be who others need you to be - and therapy that helps you come home to your true self is what creates lasting change.

3. You Might Be Going Too Slow Or Staying in the “Talking” Phase Too Long

Traditional weekly therapy can sometimes move at a snail’s pace, especially when you’re dealing with deep emotional wounds. Many of my clients tell me they spent years in therapy before they started doing the kind of work that actually helped them feel different in their day-to-day life.

If you’re someone who’s already self-aware, highly reflective, or intellectually “gets it,” you may be ready for something deeper or faster.

That’s where approaches like EMDR intensives or more focused trauma work can make a big difference. These formats allow you to move through core memories, limiting beliefs, and emotional blocks in a concentrated way, rather than inching through week by week.

If you’re doing online therapy, consider asking your therapist whether they offer intensives or structured trauma treatment.

4. Your Therapy Isn’t Trauma-Informed (Even If You Don’t Think You Have Trauma)

Many anxious women don’t identify with the word trauma. You might say, “Nothing that bad happened to me” or “Other people had it worse.”

But trauma isn’t always about one big event. It’s often about what didn’t happen - not being comforted when you were scared, not being taught how to regulate your emotions, or feeling like love had to be earned.

When therapy doesn’t recognize these early emotional injuries, it can unintentionally pathologize your symptoms - making you feel like you’re the problem, when in reality, your reactions make perfect sense based on your past.

Trauma-informed therapy recognizes that your anxiety, people-pleasing, and emotional dysregulation are adaptations - not defects. This shift alone can be incredibly healing.

5. You Don’t Feel Truly Safe with Your Therapist

Therapy can only go as deep as the relationship allows. If you don’t feel fully seen, heard, or understood by your therapist, you may unconsciously hold back. You might censor yourself, avoid vulnerable topics, or stay in “performer” mode.

Finding a therapist who makes you feel emotionally safe is critical, especially for women who’ve spent their lives shape-shifting to avoid rejection.

If you’re doing therapy, don’t be afraid to explore new therapist options if something feels off. The therapeutic relationship is the foundation of all growth.

So… What Now?

If you’ve been in therapy for a while and still feel anxious, here’s what I want you to know:

You’re not broken. You’re not failing therapy. And you’re not alone.

Therapy might not have helped your anxiety yet, but that doesn’t mean it can’t.

You may just need:

• A different approach (like EMDR or trauma-informed therapy)

• A therapist who specializes in working with anxious women and people-pleasers

• A space that feels safer, deeper, and more aligned with who you’re becoming

Looking for Online Therapy in South Carolina or New York?

I specialize in helping anxious women - especially people-pleasers, perfectionists, and high-functioning overthinkers - heal the root causes of their anxiety through trauma-informed therapy and EMDR. My practice is fully virtual and licensed in both New York and South Carolina.

Whether you’re brand new to therapy or feeling stuck with your current therapist, I’d love to support you.

Book a free 15-minute consultation here and let’s see if we’re a good fit.