Why Does My Anxiety Feel Worse At Night? (And What You Can Do About It)

It’s late. The day is done, you’ve finally crawled into bed, and instead of resting, your brain kicks into overdrive. Suddenly, you’re replaying conversations, worrying about tomorrow, or feeling a pit in your stomach for no reason you can name.

If your anxiety feels worse at night, you’re not imagining it, and you’re not alone. Many women who already spend their days trying to “hold it all together” find that when things finally get quiet, the anxious thoughts get louder.

The good news? There are reasons this happens, and there are ways to calm your mind so you can actually get the rest you deserve.

Why Anxiety Gets Worse at Night

Anxiety doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. At night, a few common factors tend to make it spike:

1. You Finally Slow Down

During the day, you’re busy. Work deadlines, errands, kids, texts, endless to-do lists… it’s constant motion. When you’re distracted, your brain doesn’t have as much space to process worries. But the second you stop moving, your nervous system finally has a chance to unload everything you’ve been carrying.

2. Your Brain Loves “What Ifs”

At night, there are fewer external distractions. That quiet can feel nice, but it also leaves room for your brain to spiral into “what if” territory:

• What if I said the wrong thing today?

• What if something bad happens tomorrow?

• What if I can’t fall asleep and tomorrow is ruined?

An anxious brain craves certainty, but nighttime naturally brings uncertainty. And that’s where the racing thoughts start.

3. Stress Hormones Stick Around

If you’ve been “on” all day - people-pleasing, meeting deadlines, caretaking, or just trying to hold everything together - your body may still be running on adrenaline or cortisol when bedtime comes. That stress chemistry keeps your body alert, even when you want to rest.

4. Nighttime Can Feel Lonely

During the day, you might lean on coworkers, friends, or even just the bustle of the city around you. At night, you’re alone with your thoughts. That solitude can intensify anxious feelings, especially if you already feel unsupported or used to putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own.

5. Your Inner Critic Shows Up

For people-pleasers especially, nighttime can trigger a flood of self-criticism. You may replay moments from the day and think: Did I upset them? Did I do enough? Was I too much? These thought loops are exhausting, but incredibly common.

What You Can Do When Nighttime Anxiety Shows Up

The goal isn’t to eliminate all anxious thoughts (that’s not realistic), but to give your mind and body tools to calm down so you can rest.

Here are strategies that help:

1. Create a Gentle Wind-Down Routine

Instead of crashing into bed after scrolling your phone or answering late-night emails, try creating a ritual that signals “it’s safe to rest.”

• Dim the lights an hour before bed.

• Try a warm shower or bath.

• Put your phone on Do Not Disturb.

• Read something comforting or journal a few lines.

This helps your nervous system shift out of “go mode” into “rest mode.”

2. Write It Out

If your brain won’t stop replaying conversations or worrying about tomorrow, give it a place to land. Keep a notebook by your bed and write down the worries, to-do lists, or spiraling thoughts. Telling your brain, “I don’t have to hold this right now” creates relief.

3. Ground Your Body

When anxiety ramps up, your body often feels it first - racing heart, restlessness, tight chest. Simple grounding can help:

• Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly, then take slow breaths.

• Try progressive muscle relaxation: gently tense and release each muscle group.

• Notice 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste.

These techniques signal safety to your nervous system.

4. Challenge the “What Ifs”

Instead of spiraling down the “what if” rabbit hole, try shifting to “even if.”

• Instead of: What if I don’t sleep and tomorrow is ruined?

• Try: Even if I don’t sleep well, I’ve gotten through tough days before. I’ll manage.

This small language shift reduces pressure and invites self-compassion.

5. Limit Stimulants and Doom-Scrolling

Caffeine late in the day, alcohol, and late-night phone use all increase anxiety. That last scroll on Instagram or reading the news in bed might feel harmless, but it overstimulates your brain. Setting boundaries around technology is an act of self-care.

6. Practice Self-Compassion

Remind yourself: You’re not weak or broken for feeling anxious at night. Anxiety is your brain’s way of trying to protect you, even if it feels unhelpful. Offering yourself kindness (“Of course I feel this way after the day I had”) helps reduce shame, and shame only fuels anxiety.

When Nighttime Anxiety Doesn’t Go Away

If you’ve tried strategies and still find yourself struggling, it may be a sign that your anxiety is rooted in deeper experiences, like unresolved childhood wounds, perfectionism, or long-standing patterns of people-pleasing.

This is where therapy can help.

In particular, EMDR therapy is highly effective for reducing anxiety that feels “stuck.” EMDR works by helping your brain reprocess old experiences that fuel current worries, so you don’t stay caught in the same loops every night. Many women I work with find that once we address the deeper roots of their anxiety, the nighttime spirals finally ease up.

If you feel like you’ve “tried everything” and nothing works, EMDR, or even an EMDR intensive, might be the missing piece.

Final Thoughts

Anxiety often feels worst at night because that’s when the busyness of the day fades and your brain finally has space to release all it’s been holding. It’s normal, but it’s also exhausting.

The key is not to shame yourself for it, but to give your body and mind tools to calm down. Whether that’s journaling, grounding, shifting your self-talk, or seeking therapy, you deserve relief.

And remember: you don’t have to figure it out alone.

If your nighttime anxiety feels relentless and you’re ready to find lasting relief, I’d love to help. I specialize in working with women who struggle with anxiety, people-pleasing, and boundaries, using talk therapy and EMDR to help you feel calmer and more in control.

Book a free consultation to learn more about working together here.